Talk

It's Estrogen day. I just had a nice lunch with 5 other ladies (with one miffed male in the midst), and in about 4 hours I'm going to spend my evening with 9 other fabulous lady friends. Why Estrogen day? Lunch was a coincidence, but evening is Sex in the City the movie night. Honestly, I don't really care as much about the movie. It is more an excuse, an event, for me to celebrate sisterhood with my female friends.

I used to trivialize female companionship. When I was in College, I always hung out with the guys, and was proud of being one of the boys. I was kind of a girl-talk hater, I thought perhaps it somehow made me cool that I didn't need it. Bah. Women talk. Chip Chirp Chap it's all the same over and over.

I feel different now that I am older, and have had more experiences that I find only resonate with women. Some of my women friends have been through divorce; even though I have not, but having had 9 years of practically contiguous serious live-together relationships, two major breakups and subsequent upheaval of life, I can relate and confide just the same. Women heal by talking through our feelings. Sometimes repeatedly, over and over. It rarely gets tiring for us. Talking lets us vent, lets us bond, lets us explore our anger and sadness in a safe environment that will not escalate beyond collective tears and communion. We talk, so we can accept, and move on.

A lot of men, as I have learned, really don't. I find that sometimes, men perceive that talking about issues make them worse, akin to dwelling on something. Instead they want to do something else entirely, to put their mind on something other than what they were frustrated about. A lot of women would consider that "avoiding the issue". So when women want to talk about it, confront it instead of avoid it, it is like exactly the opposite thing some men believe would improve the situation.

I never quite appreciated the saying "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" until that difference in approach smacked me in square the face, and then I could almost hear Carrie's monologue narrating the awkward and silent situation I suddenly find myself in. I remember almost in disbelief thinking, am I in a Sex in the City episode?! Can this possibly, actually happen outside of a television show? Then all I wanted was to be surrounded by women who wouldn't judge my sentimentality, who would understand and would comfort me, and tell me that sometimes being a crying, irrational pile of emotion is absolutely normal and need not, cannot be trivialized.


That is perhaps the one big thing I enjoy when I watch Sex in the City: the fact that those four women, no matter what they were going through, stuck with each other. The show's appeal to me is way less about the fashion and their sexual liberation. They could get pissed at each other, but still ultimately, they work through it and they're there for one another. When I watched the show those years ago, I felt that I was almost part of that sisterhood, or at least I could live vicariously through them to experience what having a tight circle of female support could be like. In reality though, I have had some disappointing female friendships. The talking is a double edged sword. When it is laced with lies and turned against you, it is worse than anything a man could possibly imagine saying to deliberately hurt.

Perhaps like the show, when I am with my women friends it might sound like Men-bashing when an outsider catch a phrase or two out of context. It might sound like we are all looking for a fairy tale, or that we are unrealistic, and that we are whiny and demanding. But really, like the show, through our complaints we are dismantling some expectations and sharing what we find so unexpectedly precious about our respective loves. We just have to get together at times, to roll our eyes and laugh collectively about how frustrating/wonderful/perplexing/beautiful it is to be in love with them mute Martians.